Staring at the blank screen, waiting for the right words to come. Worrying if the words I write will resonate with anyone who reads it or cause many to judge me. Wanting to get the words out of my head and hopefully find some quiet but so scared that someone will find fault and give me hell for it. For me, this is a constant struggle both for my blog and in my life. Wanting to voice my opinion and not be judged for it. Second guessing myself and everything I say so that I don’t offend anyone. I don’t always get it right and I’m glad I’ve reached a point in my life now where it doesn’t bother me too much when people find fault. I’m still learning how to let go and be brave but I’m trusting that I’ll get there soon.
Things feel a bit deurmekaar in my life lately. I feel like I’m not keeping all the balls up and it’s driving me slowly crazy. Add to that the fact that the kids haven’t been well and I’ve been on and off with some gastro bug, makes things seem impossible.
There is always a silver lining, we just need to keep a look out for it. For me, it would be the belly laughs from Harper, or the sneaky smile and massive hug I get from Ethan, or Matthew trying to squeeze the life out of me. Or just that hand on my shoulder or quick glance in my direction from Mark while the kids are in the bath or I’m putting Harper to sleep.
I’m grateful for my struggles as they make me stronger, grateful for my husband and family for they keep me grounded, grateful for my children because they made me a mom, and I’m grateful I get to spend my days with the amazing people I have in my life.
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