Mom-guilt

Why is being a mom, being a parent, so hard? Mom-guilt is a thing. A real thing.

Ethan had grommets put in last Thursday. He needed to be at the hospital at 11am, with nothing to eat or drink from 10am. We get to the hospital and shown his bed. It’s 11:05. He’s tired but getting him to take a nap is impossible. There are other children there and getting him to calm down enough to sit still and close his eyes is stressing me out. I leave it. It’s now almost 12pm. Where is the doctor? Ask the nurses and they tell us that he is only starting at 1:30pm. Oh please Lord, please give me strength. How do I keep my 1 year old from crying with hunger for another hour and a half? 1:30pm, shew! We made it! Doctor is now waiting on the anaesthetist. Crap! Crying, screaming, more crying, walking up and down, some gentle hopping to sooth my hungry child. Shit man! When are they fetching him? It’s almost 2:30pm and he’s going in. YAY!

Ethan is doing well now, no more bleeding/leaking from his ears. His balance is a lot better now and he seems to be hearing a lot better as well. But my mommy heart couldn’t handle sending him to crèche on Friday, the day after his surgery, because I had to go to work.

Matthew is still imitating a teenager. He loves his brother and always wants to kiss him goodnight, on his hands, his forehead, his toes. And then there are days when he kicks him, pushes him, throws his toys at him. I’m hoping this is all normal and will pass soon enough. He is also getting sick at the moment. He started coughing on Sunday. Last night, he just couldn’t stop coughing. Around 10pm he called to me. He sounded a bit frantic. I just thought the wind was scaring him and called to him to go sleep. He called me again and all I heard was “vomit”. Crap, I thought. Now I need to change bedding and pajamas and hopefully the floor isn’t dirty as well. I run to his room and he’s sitting up. He says “Mommy, if I cough again I’m going to vomit” Oh thank you, thank you, thank you. There is still time to save the mess! Quickly rushed him to the bathroom and yes! We made it!

Shame poor child. Threw up hectically from all the coughing. Made him brush his teeth, gave him some water and sent him back to bed. This morning, he was still coughing. And being the awesome mom that I am, I sent him to crèche. Man, it’s days like these that I wish I was a SAHM!

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