Making eye contact

When you’re talking to someone, do you always make eye contact? Or do you find that you can’t look them in the eye for too long and quickly divert your eyes? I fall into the latter category and I finally think I know why.

It started a year or two ago when someone mentioned to me that I don’t always make eye contact when they’re talking to me. I didn’t even realise I was doing it until it was brought up. I then started trying to make a conscious effort to look someone in the eye when we were talking. It was working but I realized that I was losing what little self confidence I had in the process. You see, I am an extremely shy person. And it only came to me recently, that I have some social anxiety too.

What is social anxiety?
“Social anxiety is the fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people. You could say social anxiety is the fear and anxiety of being negatively judged and evaluated by other people. It is a pervasive disorder and causes anxiety and fear in most all areas of a person’s life.”

Eyes are the window to the soul. So, people with social anxiety will have a difficult time maintaining eye contact. It has nothing to do with you but just their social anxiety kicking in.

I realized that while I was focusing on maintaining eye contact, I was losing track of what I wanted to say, thus having to think harder about what was coming out of my mouth. I couldn’t maintain eye contact and still say what I wanted to say without stumbling over my words. This has led to me being more self-conscious and having an even lower self-esteem.

I found the following article, that talks about how to overcome eye contact anxiety. I’m going to be trying some of the fixes and hope I make a little of progress.

I don’t make eye contact because of my social anxiety, low self-esteem and shyness.
Not because I LIKE you and get nervous around you.
Not because I’m not interested in what you have to say.
Not because you’re not visually appealing.
Not because I’m hiding something.
Not always because I’m having a bad day.

Am I the only one that can’t always make eye contact?

Follow us on social media to see more

6 thoughts on “Making eye contact

  1. Helen_77 says:

    Nope, you’re not alone. I think I fall in the same category as you. Doesn’t constant eye contact freek you out a bit, all that staring?
    I don’t think I’m terribly shy. I’m one of those who will talk to anyone. DH says not “talk” so much as “moan” to anyone who will listen, haha. But saying that, I have no problem sitting on my own. Even at work, I’m much better sitting in my office doing my stuff than conversating with others.

    • Kim Muller says:

      Yes all the staring is so freaky. I mean I can stare at my husband and look into his eyes for a while but I’m not like a psycho or anything lol :D. I find meeting my colleagues eyes for an extended length of time makes me super awkward.

  2. Tracy Dawson says:

    I struggle heavily with this too. The anxiety is so real for what may seem like the most normal thing to others. I also come across as uninterested to others because of it and the more aware I am of this anxiety, the worse I become. Hopefully that article will help.

    • Kim Muller says:

      I hope the article is helpful! Yes, I have the same problem that the more I realise I’m doing the one thing I don’t want to be doing, the worse my anxiety becomes. And then in the middle of a conversation, I’ll start stuttering or blubbering like a fool who doesn’t know how to make her mouth work.

  3. MamaCat says:

    Well maybe training to present and talk helped me, because I am shy. I take my time, but if I am comfortable, I will be fine. Eye contact had not been an issue for me. You actually should not maintain full contact, gets a bit freaky. Hope the tips help you. To be honest, I am offended by people who cannot look me in the eye, but now I will be more tolerant.

    • Kim Muller says:

      I think I’ve always this issue maintaining eye contact. Like, I’ll look you in the eye while you’re talking, but can’t for the life of me I can’t do it while I’m talking. Definitely something I need to work on.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *