Life with a newborn baby is hectic. Whether it’s your first baby or you’re a pro at this game and you have your eighth, those first 6-8 weeks can push us all to the brink. We’re in our fourth week with Harper at home and although it’s been hectic, it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. Wait, what? Yip, it’s not that bad (I may regret my words later). I thought that life life with 3 kids would have me pulling my hair out, having shouting matches with either the boys or Mark or sitting curled up in the corner nursing a cold cup of tea.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s crazy and Harper cries, a lot! The boys want my immediate attention when I really can’t give it at that exact moment. I go hungry, I have to wait to brush my teeth and I end up with a cup of cold coffee. But I thought it would be worse. I’m not sure what I thought it would be like but I had this idea that I would ‘sleep when baby slept’, that my kitchen would be overrun with dishes, that Mark and I would be at each others’ throats or that it would just end up being a madhouse and I’d call myself mad for having another child.
Harper will be 4 weeks old tomorrow and I’m currently a Zombie Mom. She sleeps most of the day and is awake most of the night. During the day, I’ve tried keeping her awake, we don’t do quiet and there is always light. At night, it’s quiet, minimal light and no talking. Guess what? It’s not working. Recently, she started crying a lot, like she’s in pain. So much so, that Mark asked if we should take her to the doctor ahead of her 6 week checkup. I hesitated as I don’t want to be the mom who takes her baby to the doctor because of a pimple, you know. We realised this morning that she cries mostly when layed down flat. So I’m going to try some reflux meds before heading to the paed. She moans when breastfeeding and pulls off even though she still wants to drink. I’ve Googled (yes, I know) and it seems like she may have silent reflux. We’re going to try the meds and elevated sleeping for a few days.
The boys are still very much in love with Harper. Matthew is such a major help and takes his big bro position very seriously. He was holding her the other day and she started crying. He started rocking and shushing her and was so very proud of himself that he got her to quieten down. And my mommy heart just burst! Ethan just wants to hold her all the time. And when he’s holding her, he kisses her fingers or her forehead and just stares at her. I love that they are so careful and soft with her and I’m praying it lasts a little longer than a few weeks lol.
Mark is amazing. He wakes up with me during the nights and offers to take her to give me a break. I refuse as he has to get up and go to work in the morning but the fact that he offers makes me so happy that he’s on this journey with me. I can see the love shining in his eyes, I can see the fear in there as well. I need to explain what I mean about the fear but I’ll leave that for another post. I’m just so glad we’re together on this newborn train (lol) and that we’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel with each other.
It’s amazing how much you forget about life with a newborn. Harper is my third baby and I can honestly say that there are so many things I don’t remember from when the boys were her age. Mark will ask me, did Matthew cry so much or did Ethan also have issues with winds and I’ll sit there and think about it but nothing comes up. No memory, nothing. I guess it’s natures way of making sure we have more babies, this memory loss. I forgot how tired I’d be, I forgot the nipple pain from breastfeeding, I forgot the struggle to wind and the worry about how many poop nappies they’ve been through in one day. I forgot how utterly overwhelming it can get, especially when you’re sleep deprived and nothing seems possible at 3:10am. I also forgot how much your heart explodes with love. I forgot about that delicious fresh baby smell. I forgot what it felt like to hold a tiny baby in your arms, catch your spouses eye over the top of her head and feel yourself tear up.
I am truly blessed and so grateful to friends and family for checking in, popping by and giving me 5 minutes to myself.