I’m sucking at motherhood

Motherhood has been kicking my butt the last few months. I’m trying to keep it real here but it’s not always easy to post about the sucky bits of life. Most of us want people to think we have our shit together, that the house is always clean, the kids are always well behaved, that you have an amazing sex life. But in reality, this is not always the case.

The kids ignore me. Every, fucking minute of the day! I am so sick of my own voice. I mean I love my kids, don’t get me wrong. I’m just so tired of asking them to do a small thing 344 times. Being ignored and then losing my shit. Then I get the mom guilt for shouting at my kids and not being the “cool mom”. And if you lose your shit with 1 child, you inevitably carry that anger over to the other kids. Story of my life…

Photo captured by Shante Hutton Photography

I’m sucking at motherhood so that must mean I’m doing well in all other aspects of my life right? I mean, with all the balls we juggle, if we drop one we still manage to keep the others afloat? Nope, not in my case. Work is boring. I’m not being stimulated at all. I’ve asked numerous times for more responsibilities (I mean who even does that) but I get ignored at work too. Whoop whoop! So even though I get my work done, I’m done within 30 minutes of of being at work. So let me break this down for you. I get to work at 07:30. My hours are 08:00 to 17:00 with an hour lunch break. So essentially, I spend my ENTIRE day at work doing nothing because I finish what needs to be done before I even start. Go figure.

So being a mom is kicking me in the butt, work is killing my brain cells, that means I should be having the time of my life with my husband. Except I’m not. I love him and I love spending time with him. But because of the guilt (mom), the boredom (work), the complete suckability (not a real word, I know) of my life right now, I’m not giving my all to my husband. I’m questioning everything and being the worst wife. I don’t feel like cleaning, I don’t feel like disciplining the kids, I don’t feel like doing anything except laying in my bed and being left alone.

Photo captured by Shante Hutton Photography

I just want to be myself again! I want to be happy and find joy in my family. Or maybe it should somehow just all end.

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4 thoughts on “I’m sucking at motherhood

  1. Helen_77 says:

    Glad to hear I’m not the only Mum who is ignored by their kids. In my case just one, but one ignoring me is enough. They are hearing you though, they just aren’t listening. Apparently I nag for something to be done but DH asks? What’s the difference? When does asking become nagging? Who knows. Push on.
    I hear you on the work thing too. Things are sometimes so very, very quiet that you are done by 9am and the internet is just so boring.
    Yep, yep, somewhere long the way you’ve lost yourself. And your hubby. Every minute is spent on either work or the kid(s) and when the day ends it’s time to just plop down in bed and sleep. Sooo tired.
    But seriously though, have you thought about perhaps talking to a professional? It sounds like you have lost your mojo. You shouldn’t want to stay in bed all day. I know every day is a hard slog onwards and it’s not a bit thing to ask for some help.
    PS, if you want to talk to a complete stranger, I’m here

    • Kim Muller says:

      Thank you so much. I’m looking at making an appointment soon. I also realise that wanting to stay in bed all day is just not normal. I feel like I’ve lost more than just my mojo. But yeah, my kids listen to their dad and I get totally ignored. No idea why…

  2. Jodie says:

    Oh no, I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way 🙁 Firstly, the pictures are absolutely gorgeous! Secondly – my kids don’t ever listen to me either and I find myself screaming 1,000times a day. I have like NO guilt though…if it helps, you’re not the only one going through it. I think children just need to OPEN.THEIR.EARS. As for work, that sucks. I assume you’re looking for something else? But in the interim, perhaps you should look at how to use that time better…I don’t know? Maybe try and study something or do some research?! Wish there was something I could do to help!!

    • Kim Muller says:

      Thanks Jodie. Shante is amazing at what she does! Yeah, I know I’m not the only one but I think with everything else I’m feeling, the guilt is compounded and making me feel like I’m lacking somehow. I think I need to get my head right before I make an attempt at studying anything. I think failing at that too would just push me over the edge.

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