Despite the pain

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Have you ever wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words to say it? I’m in that space at the moment. I think it’s because my thoughts are consumed with the pain I’m in and trying to alleviate it. But wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning.

When I was pregnant with Harper, I started getting these twinges of pain in my back but I would just take a Panado and brush it off as normal pregnancy aches and pains. After I gave birth, the pain was still there and again, I brushed it off as normal after effects from being pregnant and having the epidural for the c-section. It’s been 6 months since Harper was born and I’ve lived with the pain for so long, that it’s become ‘normal’. Only it wasn’t normal, and 1 day a few weeks back, I tried to get out of bed and couldn’t move. When I eventually stood up, I did what every normal working mom does, I got dressed and went to work.

At work, I just couldn’t deal with the pain any longer and left for home earlier than normal. I spent that entire weekend cringing and downing Panados like they were sweets. I eventually ended up at the doctor on the Tuesday only. Doctor diagnosed me with sciatica and sent me on why to physio with anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxants.

When the physio therapist examined me, she said that it looks more like the pain is radiating from my S4 and S5 and that the inflammation there is causing the pinched nerve. I also have a more pronounced curve to my spine, which is probably why the pain is so severe. I have been given exercises to do and I need another 2 or 3 sessions. If the pain doesn’t subside after that, it’s likely that I would have to go for x-rays to see if there is any degeneration in that area.

The reality is that I am constantly in pain. Nothing alleviates it and the heat packs and painkillers only do so much. I know my pain is just a drop in the ocean compared to what many others have to endure but it doesn’t diminish my own pain and how it’s starting to make me just a little bit depressed. Please pray for me that the pain dissipates and that I can go back to my normal self.

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4 thoughts on “Despite the pain”

    1. Thanks Juwayra! Something has been helping and I’m slowly starting to find myself again. Appreciate the comment 😀

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