I’m struggling people, with work, motherhood, being a good wife, a better person, my health, writing on my blog. It feels like I dropped the balls and they’re all lying around, having gone in different directions. I’m trying to pick them up but I want to pick them in colour order and pack them into this container that’s on a see-saw and I just can’t seem to get to it.
I resigned from my current job and then retracted that resignation. Circumstances just didn’t allow for the new job to be a viable option and I had to stay where I am. I am not unhappy but I can’t wait to get a new job, with new challenges and a place where I can start over, I suppose. I’m struggling to connect with my line manager as I questioned her management skills in my exit interview and I’m paying for it now.
No one ever tells you how hard being a parent is. You question everything you do, everything your partner does, most things your kids do. And then there’s the guilt. We won’t go there as I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about. I’m struggling with feeling like I’m not spending enough time with my boys, being too strict with them, not being able to feed them nutritious meals all the time.
Mark and I have been together for 15 years next month (7 of which will be marriage). We have seen each other nearly every day for those 15 years, barring the few days he had to go away for work. I am struggling to find the correct balance between work, family, friends, myself and my husband. We need some (a lot) of alone time just to reconnect and get to know each other. Cindy from 3 Kids, 2 Dogs and 1 Old House did a great post the other day about Making your Marriage A Priority After Baby. It opened my eyes a little and I think I’ve managed to convince Mark that even if we can’t make it out to date night, we can at least take a day off from work, get the kids off to crèche and spend the day together alone.
I’m trying to be more caring, friendlier, more aware and less critical. I fail. Daily. But I keep trying. I want to be remembered as someone who was always available, someone who always listened and was there. I want to an amazing friend. I want to be the one people can’t talk bad about.
I’ve started going to gym. I’ve started eating a little better. But I struggle. All. The. Freaking. Time. I am really struggling to find more time to work out during the week. I want to be fit and healthy and all that comes with it. But I also need to spend time with my family. I get home late, leave home early. Need to cook dinner, bath the boys, have dinner, spend some time with Mark. Where do other mommies find the time????
I am struggling to write content for my blog that I’m happy with. I am by no means an amazing writer. I am not eloquent or even very articulate. But I want to write. I want to get the words out of my head and put it somewhere. But I also want my words to be read, and laughed at or cried over. Like all bloggers out there, I also want that validation and the knowledge that people are reading, they’re out there and they like what I’m doing (or least don’t hate it).
Struggles can only make you stronger. I will get through this. I will find the solutions I am seeking and everything will be awesome with me again.
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