100 Days

Sigh, it’s been 4 months since my last blog post. I just haven’t had the mental capacity to find the right words. Even this post is a stretch for me.

Today marks 100 days since we’ve been socially distancing. 100 days since the kids were last at school and had any interaction with other children their age.

The kids aren’t coping. I can see their anxiety. I can sense their worry and fear. They are all acting out and doing things they didn’t normally do when we were home. They lack structure, they miss their friends, their teachers, their grandparents, the outside. We go for a walk every day, just around the block, but it’s fresh air and a little bit of sunshine for everyone. We’ve been doing schoolwork every other day. Oh man, what a mission. Matthew hates it and I have to moan with him all the time to do one more question. Ethan breezes through his work and finishes more than he’s supposed to.

Mark has been working from day 1, so I’ve been alone at home with the kids while working full time too. This is so hard and don’t let anyone tell you it’s not. Trying to keep up with your work responsibilities while being there for 3 kids is next to impossible. Something is going to suffer. In our case, my kids have been suffering. It’s taken me 100 days but I’ve finally realized my work will have to take a backseat while I spend more time with my kids. Don’t get me wrong, my kids haven’t been starving or been left to their own devices but they have been getting more screen time than usual and they have been getting the worst of me.

I have realized that it’s up to me to change my mindset. To choose to be happy every day. To set goals and follow through with them. I started running (who am I even?). Okay, it’s more walking than running but every day is a little bit better. My sister and I run with Matthew and my niece. The bigger kids some exercise the smaller ones don’t get.

It’s not always enough. Every day is a struggle. I shout at my kids all the time, I cry more often than not, I am tired of cooking and fetching snacks, I’m done with the fights between the kids and struggling with bedtime. I long for an hour of peace/quiet/alone time. And it’s okay if you long for that too. You’re not a bad mom for not wanting to be with your kids 24/7 and you’re not a bad mom if that is what you want either.

We’ve had a visit from the tooth fairy:

And a visit to the ER:

But overall, we’ve been healthy and mostly happy.

I know this post if all over the show, much like this year has been. But we are stronger together, we can get through this if we are there for each other and lift one another up.

Today is day 100 of social distancing. I feel like we need a prize.

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